Mary Kay LeTourneau is now socially acceptable!

Why does it warm my heart that Mary Kay Letourneau is now (seemingly) happily married to her schoolboy paramour?

I admit that if Vili were a 13 year old girl I would be less approving. But this whole case was always so weird and horrible- granted, it's sort of poor judgement to get sexually involved with a student, but she was aggressively pursued by a horny teenage boy- i.e., she didn't initiate sex with him. She did choose to pursue a relationship with him, but I don't know if it was ever fair to label her a rapist and a sexual predator. Maybe I have a double standard here.

I was 16 when all this started happening and I was always struck by the tragic romance of it all.

In a weird way it seems like the ultimate fuck you to the media and society that ten years later, they're still together, legally. (It helps that they're both gorgeous, too). And the same media that vilified her and put her in prison are now re-embracing her and shelling out thousands of dollars to film their wedding.

Wow. Just wow.

Nu Folk Paperdolls!

DEVENDRA BANHART INTERNET PAPERDOLLS!

Thank you so much to Eric, who shared this with me and pointed out that while a creepy clown mask is an option, a comb is not!!!

As a follow up to the previous post

(I actually have a zit on my forehead, shhhh!)

One thing you can do to make yourself look hotter which is not totally self destructive is getting a SKIN CARE REGIMEN!

I scoffed at skin care regimens til I started working at Lush and they got me on skin care PLAN and it changed my life. I still scoff at $80 chemical laden skin care products. Skin care regimens can be totally natural and affordable and easy and still work well. I am going to break it down for you.

Why you need a skincare regimen:
1. You will age better and spend less money on eye cream and botox down the road.
2. Your face needs moisturizer even if you have oily skin. Plus it protects your skin from crud in the air.
3. Your skin will look nicer and you will have less problems with break-outs and redness unless your skin is severely fucked up, in which case it will still probably help.

People have varying issues w. their skin in terms of dryness/oiliness and so forth. But there are three basic steps to a skin care regimen:

1. Cleansing. You have to find a product that works well for your skin needs, ie something that will exfoliate and cleanse without overdrying. I am a fan of the herbalism scrub from Lush, which totally cleared up the whiteheads on my forehead like whoah. You can use shit like powdered oatmeal or quinoa mixed with water, and that will work well to gently exfoliate without fucking your shit up. If you have a soap that isnt too drying and works well on your face, by all means use it. Cleanse only once a day, in the evening unless it's hot and you're sweating all day.

2. Toning. I used to be like "what the fuck is toner?" but it's what you put on your skin prior to moisturizer to make it nice and make the moisturizer spread. Trust me, it works. Does it have to be expensive? NO! Buy rosewater or orangeblossom water from the middle eastern grocer for $2 (or order it online, I guess), put it in a spritz bottle and apply it in the AM & PM prior to moisturizing. Use it more when your skin feels dry or gross. It is a glorious thing!

3. Moisturizing. The most important step! I am a huge fan of the moisturizers from lush which are generally pretty affordable- my favorite, imperialis is about $20, which lasts about 4 months for me. (Moisturizer goes further when you use it with toner.) Moisturize AM and PM, when you wake up and before bed. You can use a heavier one at night if you wish. High quality olive oil is a perfectly acceptable moisturizer if you have drier skin, DHC in Japan has built an entire industry out of putting olive oil on your skin.

If you have the bucks, I highly reccomend Lush skincare because it's natural and cheap. (make your own toner though, it's cheaper!) There are lots of recipes for homemade skincare online too! Your skin will thank you!

I'd rather be fat than be confused.

There was this thing on Jezebel about the dumbest thing you've done to lose weight.

The only thing I've ever done to lose weight is give up sugar and do capoeira. I'm pretty resistant to crazy dieting, along with suicidal urges, alcoholism, and basically all forms of drug addiction. None of these things have every appealed to me.

I have been at times a compulsive eater or an emotional eater, I have been known to self medicate with cupcakes. I avoid buying french bread and bringing it home, because I will eat the whole loaf slathered in butter in one sitting. Yeah, really. So I guess I am also eating disordered in an unhealthy way, but....Clenbuterol (horse meds) and ipecac and tapeworms? Not only that, HOW COMMON it is for women to do this crazy shit, as indicated by the comments thread. On a feminist blog. Yikes.

Do men do this crazy shit? I'm sure some of them do, but this particular brand of self destructive behavior seems disturbingly common for women.

Having been fat my whole life, I sort of wonder what these women are so scared of. Yes, clothing shopping sucks, but it's getting better. I'm in good health. I eat healthy foods, but I eat cupcakes too. I'm fit enough to do capoeira. I have sex with hot guys (guys who only want to date super thin women often have control issues, I find). My life is pretty good, except for dealing w. judgemental people and jerkasses.

I wish women would focus on doing self-care things to make themselves look and feel good instead of ingesting tapeworms and laxatives.

Midweek Trashy TV Roundup

It appears that Logo is only posting the premiere ep of Transamerican Love Story to their site so I'll be going to Elyse's to watch it from now on...It appears that Barry (The less-attractive of the two bachelors I find totally uninteresting) got eliminated this week, no big loss there. (Sorry Barry if you're reading this, I'm all paranoid now).

Totally loving Project Runway (omg makes me wanna sew), and Millionaire Matchmaker, but I'll refrain from analyzing/snarking. And shit, the new cycle of ANTM starts tonight (I'm more excited about reading Rich's recaps than anything).

I've also been watching Season 2 of Big Love on DVD, and the scene where Brynne is straddling Ben while he's got his little JROTC uniform down around his knees made my week. Yes, I know he's supposed to be like 16. But Douglas Smith, the actor who plays him is 22, so I don't feel like too much of a perv! YUM YUM YUM, keep giving Zac Efron a run for his money, little boy!



In non-TV news, Lindsay Lohan recently did a nude photoshoot for New York Magazine that was an homage to Marilyn Monroe's infamous final photo shoot with Bert Stern prior to ODing on drugs. This bothers me for the same reason that Britney's pre-emptive obit bothers me- its almost as if they're exploiting the fact that Lindsay is emotionally unstable and has substance addiction issues. Like, "haha, what it's Lilo's last photoshoot?" She's only 21, can we give her a chance to work through her shit and be a functional adult?



(Full disclosure: I kind of have a crush on Lilo, esp. after hearing the rumors that she was Samantha Ronson's lesbian lover. I have a crush on Fergie too. Shhh.)

Presidential pardon for crimes of douchebaggery

Shawn from Transamerican Love Story contacted me on my TALS write-up post, indignant at my accusations of douchebaggery (a phrase I have openly lifted from Beatnik Sidearm, the lord high arbiter all all things douche).

Shawn, it is my job as a pop culture blogger to call people on TV douchebags. It is your job as a reality TV star to be called a douchebag by bloggers sometimes. The problem is, sometimes we forget that you are human and not a ridiculous caricature of humanity parading in a sarong for our amusement. And for that insensitivity, Shawn, I am sorry.

I just hope they made it worth your while. When I was on Tyra, I had a bitch fight with the wardrobe queen over what I was going to wear, they made me take out my piercings, the green room snacks consisted of half a turkey sandwich (some insubordinate audience member got backstage and ate the other half) and a fun sized snickers bar, and I practically had to threaten legal action to receive my honorarium. Hopefully the homos at Logo have been kinder to you than Ty-Ty's people were to me.

And hopefully Calpernia doesn't pull some Tila Tequila/Flava of Love shit on whoever wins. If they decide to do a second season, I would nominate my ex-girlfriend for stardom a heartbeat.

So rock on, rock-n-roll Shawn, and rest secure in the fact that you are nowhere close to approaching Blaine's douchebaggery, and that even if he posts angry comments to my blog about me being a c*nt for calling him a douche, unlike his ex-girlfriend, there's no way in hell I'll take it back.

why people "steal music"

Once upon a time I bought a song on the itunes store. I imported it into my new laptop. It's forcing me to "authorize" it to play it. It keeps telling me it's authorized and then prompting me to re-enter my password.

I paid a dollar for this song.

I paid the same price I would have for a regular CD, only they don't have to pay for packaging or distribution (well, the distribution cost is a LOT less).

I paid a dollar to be harangued about whether or not I am legally entitled to listen to music I PAID for.

Apple, your business model is fucked. You put these measures in to keep people from stealing but it just is going to drive people to steal more because no one wants to deal with this much bullshit to listen to a song they overpaid for. I would actually rather pay a quarter to download a song instead of illegally downloading it (and to my credit I don't use file sharing sites mostly because I fear for my computer), I would happily pay a quarter or even fifty cents, as long as I didnt have to enter a FUCKING PASSWORD to listen to what I've already paid for or be told how many times I'm allowed to burn it. Seriously, fuck you, itunes.

Because Reality TV is the perfect vehicle for Trans awareness!

Lately I have become captivated by two shows featuring transgendered women- Transamerican Love Story and Janice Dickison Modeling Agency. Ok, technically Janice Dickinson isn't trans...even if she does have "dick" in her name...or is she?



She was quite beautiful in her youth but she's basically a plastic surgery disaster now.

Exhibit #2 is one Miss Calpernia Addams, subject of the film "Soldier's Girl," and now the star of Logo's "Transamerican Love Story," which is of course of great interest to me, having survived my own Transamerican Love Story two years ago, which involved moving to Chicago, public sex, drama-filled fights, and ultimately being kicked out of my living situation. Let's hope Calpernia's goes better.



So, let's begin with Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency on Oxygen (wasn't the concept of Oxygen that it was a channel for Oprah loving midwestern housewives? Now it's nothing but Janice Dickinson and Bad Girl's Club!!!)

This is something I watch when I have downtime at my new "job" (no, I'm not a hooker), so I haven't been following it very closely, but all that really needs to be said is that JDMA makes Tyra's ANTM look classy and professional. Consider the following:

1.Janice Dickinson intentionally makes her dumb as a post Romanian bodyguard wear a cropped "security" T-Shirt and bootyshorts to make him look as gay as possible.

There is nothing more intimidating than a man in bootyshorts.(just pretend he's wearing them in the photo above).

2. She opens a "Latin Division" of her agency, where it seems a lot of the models aren't actually Latino/Latina. Baby, you're Latina if Janice says so!!! She should know, most of career has traded on looking deceptively Latina!

3. A lot of her models are...erm...kinda plain. Janice actually gushes about one of her girls "looks like an alien."

I really would love to see a reality show where Janice Dickinson is the Madam of a brothel.

On to the next...Transamerican Love Story. (You can watch the first full ep. on the website, btw).



It does warm my heart that transpeople are now being depicted in the media as something other than murderous hookers and such. Calpernia Addams and Andrea James are as good spokewomen as any, and it kind of makes me wonder why they weren't considered for Felicity Huffman's role in Transamerica? (Which to be honest was a pretty lame movie even if its heart was in the right place). One of the eight bachelors on the show is a transman too, which is cool as FTMs seem to be basically invisible in the media. It is sort of odd to me that Calpernia isn't sure if she could date a transman...erm....pot? kettle?

Anyway, so this show follows the same basically reality show template- eligible bachelorette, eight dudes competing for her love, mansion, jumping through hoops and lame-o elimination ceremonies. No clocks or keys, she gives the men she chooses....chocolate truffles? Whoah, low-budget! And like, what if one of them was allergic to chocolate?

Let's examine some of the contestants...


Blaine= Dr. Phil as creepy tranny chaser. He repeatedly talks about how he likes the "best of both worlds" (ok so I've said that before, shut up), and how he exclusively dates pre-op transwomen (um...Calpernia has a vag?) He also ran an unsuccessful TG porn site which went over real well with Calpernia, who eliminated him this ep. He went out in a blaze of glory, babbling about how his "ex girlfriend will take him back." Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.


Jim. Jim is the token FTM, but is at this point closeted to the other dudes, resulting in some paranoia and emotional volatility which will probably turn into some drama further down the line. I'm totally pulling for him, though.


Peter is the token bi dude and kind of adorbz, but kind of a fruitbag. He enjoyed bellydancing a lot during the harem challenge and probably has experimented with masturbating with vegetables in the past.


Mike is dorky, het, socially awkward in a kind of charming way, lives with his parents, is a practicing Christian, and a....personal trainer? Calpernia is all over his shit, and he's sort of attractive in the way that people who are really wrong for you sometimes are.


Shawn is reading this AS WE SPEAK.


Mark is the poor man's Rocky Balboa. Nuff said.

There's a couple other dudes but they were totes boring so I don't have the patience to write about them.

I hope Logo keeps posting the episodes on the website because I am very curious to see how this trainwreck unfolds....

CTA crush of the moment

Can I take a moment to say that I have a HUGE boner for Chicago Transit Authority Prez Ron Huberman?

Fun fact- although Prez. Huberman looks like a really boneable Puerto Rican, he is, in actuality, Israeli. He's also a former cop and University of Chicago alum.

Dear President Huberman,

I had to stand in the cold on Western Avenue for thirty minutes at 1 am last Thursday because your stupid bus driver wouldn't stop when I was running for the bus. I am totally mad. Please rectify this situation by coming over to my house, spanking me while wearing your police uniform, and hitting it doggy style.

Love,

Concerned "Rider" Bianca James

Darling Nikki Redux

I am enjoying this Cee-Lo/Foo Fighters rendition of Darling Nikki far more than I should! I think I just love Cee-Lo's bald head and chunky little body. I want him as my snuggle buddy.

And I thought T-Pain's moniker was ill advised.

You know, choosing the rapper name "C Murder" probably doesn't help you win your murder trial any.

this is kind of stale, but

You know, I actually was sort of excited about the Grammys this year because it was TOTALLY GONNA BE KANYE'S YEAR and then they give Best Album to Herbie Hancock for his album of JOANIE MITCHELL COVERS?

What exactly is the point of crowning a record that nobody bought or listened to "album of the year"? (with all due respect to Herbie Hancock. He is a talented musician, but....Kanye's momma died!)

Hell, I would have been happy even if Amy Winehouse won (I blame mercury retrograde for her being denied a visa). The year that the grammys actually have potential to be awesome, they still have to find a way to make it suck.

BEST PENIS EVER

I am totally owned by spiky anteater penis!!! Four headed, 1/4 of its body length and SQUIRMY! OMG.

I totally want to talk about Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency and Transamerican Love Story but I need to go to bed. So please enjoy monotreme ween instead.

this is the truest thing I've seen in a while

Temp Hides Fun, Fulfilling Life From Rest Of Office

omg

I just read somewhere that Devendra Banhart once wrote a jingle for McDonalds but can't find any supporting evidence...I so want this to be true!!!

My Love-Hate Thing With Nu-Folk, Part Two: Joanna Newsome

I have a general aversion to female artists described as "pixieish" and from hats made from dead animals with the paws still hanging off.

Joanna Newsome is the musical champion of the otherkin/furry community.

People are going to get mad at me for writing this post because people get REALLY into her music, like spastically so. I'm like that about some pretty weird bands, so I can't judge, but Imma gonna judge anyway. Bask in the cold harsh light of honesty.


It is easy to understand why Joanna Newsome is annoying when watching above video. She describes which element she feels most connected to (earth), her favorite animal (the seahorse, but she wouldn't want to be a seahorse because they "look so sad", she'd rather be a wild horse), and music she likes to dance to (venezuelan music, Devendra perhaps?). She also says she has difficulty articulating feelings. Aspergers?

I think I am most annoyed by her child-like spazziness. I think she would be really annoying to hang out with- like, you'd want to get pizza and she'd start babbling to herself about gathering mushrooms in the woods and everyone would get low blood sugar because she'd throw a tantrum every time you tried to get in the car.

I actually mistook her music for CocoRosie the first time I heard it because of the harp and spazzy singing. And after all this meanness, I will admit, I like Joanna's music- but in small doses. I really like the Book of Right On. (Yeah, so does everyone). If I listened to her more I might become totally ghey for her. But I dunno. The songs that are like 7 minute harp jagoff sessions while she wails "all we want to do...IS CHEW AND CHEW AND CHEW!" leave me feeling a touch ill.

Also- WTF- dating Andy Samberg of SNL. I can only wonder what their relationship is like. I'm sort of proud of her for avoiding the greasy Nu-Folk hippy dudes though.

I don't give a shit about politics, but...

After 8 years of Dubya, the current presidential race feels like a big delicious blended orgasm of relief.

Nitpicking aside, I'd be happy to have Obama OR Hilary for prez. It's exciting that the two big deal dems represent groups that have been historically underrepresented.

And as far as Republicans go, you could do a hell of a lot worse than John McCain.

It's going to be interesting to see how the 2000s will be remembered in American History.

My Love-Hate Thing With Nu-Folk, Part One: Devendra Banhart

I read this interview in a recent issue of Bust where Miranda July (who I also have a love-hate thing about) talked about hosting a "salon" where she brushed people's hair, and Devendra Banhart and his collective of scuzzy hippies showed up uninvited and totally harshed her mellow because she had to comb their long, scuzzy hippy hair. This delighted me greatly because both Devendra and Miranda are so precious and irritating in diverging ways (Miranda is clean cut art hipster, Devendra is scuzzy hippy hipster) but really they're both pretentious, and it made me happy that he rained on her conceptual art parade. But I'm a bitch.

I also read a review of Devendra's latest album where the reviewer said he felt vaguely embarassed and apologetic for liking Devendra Banhart, and can you blame him?



(if you're too lazy to watch the clip, it's him performing Gershwin's "Summertime" while a scuzzy hippy does a prancing interpretive noodle dance around the stage while wearing a tattered poncho.)

And that is the thing about Devendra, it's embarassing to like him, and yet, it's kind of hard not to like him.

There is the fact that he wears eyeliner and has pretty hair (he's half Venezuelan!) and would probably be really hot if he'd shave off his scuzzy beard. He's like an oily yet sexy gypsy villain from a Jodorowsky film. His voice has the quality that punctuates all Nu-Folk- vaguely irritating and yet totally irresistable.

Devendra Banhart would totally invite you over for a dinner of lentils at his hippy collective house, get you high on hash or opium, serenade you with his guitar, and then want to fuck you up the butt using hemp oil as lube on a grubby persian rug with his housemates in the next room. Maybe that's just my Devendra Banhart fantasy.

Feist is totes yacht rock

My friend Jaynie sent me a ton of music recently, including a couple Feist albums.

Now, Feist has been talked up a lot in the media lately which both meant I was both curious and dubious.

Here are my most shallow impressions:

1.I find her totally unhot. She's technically pretty but she's got this vibe like she uses unbleached tampons and scent-free products. I like fussy bitches who dye their hair and wear expensive perfume.

2. That song she sings in French makes me want to vomit.

3. Her music is so SMOOOTH it's borderline yacht rock. It's got this early 80's yuppies sipping Chardonnay vibe, you know?

"In my leisure suite." Come on!!!

I want to hear the Michael McDonald remix of this.

I know I sound like a hater, but I actually like the album okay (apart from that fucking French Song). I just wonder why critics love Feist and hate Under The Blacklight which is also totally early 80's coke rock. Classist douchebags.

It's Lil Weezy baby!

Rachelle turned me onto this song. Lil Wayne is ugly-hot the way a sloth is ugly-cute.

This song is kind eh, but that intro! damn. makes me wanna slow grind bootydance!

Sloth and Gluttony

This photo pretty much accurately depicts my mood of late. Mostly I wanted an excuse to post a picture of an ugly-cute animal.

Despite the ides of Mercury Retrograde, my life is starting to gel a bit. I've found a low stress day job three days a week, the other two days I have an internship at the Chicago Reader, which is our big deal free weekly here. I am enjoying the internship a lot, it's great to be doing stuff I find interesting for a change (even if it is unpaid). Right now, I'm just writing up little blurbs on dance events, if you live in the Chicago area, check it out.

We had a crazy awesome blizzard and knee deep snow is everywhere...I finally enjoyed the "meat lollipop" (Kelly's words) "Saucy Hot Wingz" at Great Sea restaurant, everything else sucked but the wingz were rad. I'm going through a phase of bacon fixation- I've been enjoying an Elvis inspired breakfast sandwich of bacon, peanut butter and banana on ezekiel bread french toast fried in bacon grease. Even better was the apple-bacon-cheddar pie Val baked last night. OMG.