This article is a pretty accurate reflection of my current frustrations with the "scene." Like any subculture there's power plays, politics, and drama. And there's also a lot of misogyny, double standards, perpetuation of rape culture, heteronormativity and patriarchy (no I am not talking about people who do consensual non-consent or male master female slave relationships- I mean the ways people think about and perform kink), and the way abuse and sexism are absolutely taboo to talk about. Reading blogs by MayMay and Kitty Stryker have been helpful in this regard, like finally getting to exhale as they call out some of the very real ways that the worst parts of mainstream life are perpetuated in our subculture. I am powerfluid, genderqueer, and heteroqueer, and I just find myself hitting my head against a wall in terms of the limiting expectations I encounter in a space that is supposed to be liberating and empowering, and often isn't for me.
I am excited that I will be teaching a workshop and hosting a party this coming weekend, but the sheer amount of crap I had to wade through to make things happen makes me less enthusiastic about giving more of my energy in future. At this point I think I am more interested in fostering one on one relationships with kinksters OUTSIDE of the scene and sparing myself the headache, and see if the people I genuinely like and care for are willing to take the effort to interact with me outside the scene. (I find when I leave subcultures...I usually leave alone.) I need a break, at any rate. There is only so long I can bite my tongue.
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