Menstrual Mutiny! (Or: I still don't miss having a period.)

Photo courtesy of Sputniko!

 I am having my period for the first time in over a year. An actual period, not breakthrough bleeding (for the record, the periods most people get on the pill are called “withdrawal bleeding” triggered by hormonal withdrawal, they aren’t true menstruation). I take continuous birth control pills, so I usually don’t bleed at all. It got to the point where even if I skipped four days to induce bleeding, I wouldn’t bleed. So I got complacent about always taking my pill on time. Last month I forgot to take a pill, and I got breakthrough bleeding, so I took a break from my pill until it was over. I started taking it again, forgot another pill a few weeks later. Then- get this- I GET SYMPTOMS OF OVULATION. I am in denial, think that is must be something else that’s causing my spiked sex drive and change in vaginal climate. Then I get cramps. “Well, maybe it’s my lower back and abs cramping from the workout I did at the gym last night,” I think. Nope, I’m bleeding, and suffering the inconsolable depression that led me to start taking the pill in the first place. And this time it’s a real live period, not the wimpy fake periods you usually get on the pill. I’ve been bleeding for over a week now, and though it’s not as horrifyingly heavy as my pre-pill periods, it’s still a lot of blood. It’s a damn good thing I don’t use the pill for birth control, because this counts as an epic fail. 

I seriously don’t know what caused this shift from menstruation-resistant vag to ACTUAL MENSTRUATION ON THE PILL. I mean, the forgotten pills are logically to blame, but like I said, I used to be able to skip four pills and still not bleed. I know diet, medications, sexual activity, etc. can all shift your hormones in ways that will make the pill less effective. I’ve gained about 20 pounds recently. I’ve been alternately super sexually active, and celibate. I’ve started exercising a lot more. I’m sure any of these things could be factors. I will definitely go back to religiously taking the pill at the same time every day in order to stabilize my hormones (hopefully) once I stop bleeding. But, agh!

So here’s the thing. Back when I was writing my conference paper on menstrual suppression, I was reading all these anti-suppression books and articles where women were claiming that menstruation is this wondrous feminine lady thing that should be celebrated and that to suppress your menstruation is to DENY YOUR TRUE WOMANHOOD (I’m genderqueer, so I’m already pretty guilty of that). There were even women that claimed they enjoyed the way they felt on their periods. I started second guessing myself- I’d always experienced my periods as being horrible and interfering with my ability to function, but maybe I’d been wrong? It had been so long since I’d had one that I couldn’t remember. 

Well, now I can tell you with confidence- FUCK THIS SHIT. Hemmorhaging blood for a week so my body can make my uterus a comfy breeding ground for an unwanted fetus is bullshit. Nonstop cramping and nausea and headaches and severe depression are bullshit. Telling me I’m a bad feminist for wanting to avoid this nightmare altogether is BULLSHIT. I’m going to pull the non binary gender card here and say that biology is not destiny, and if medical science has a (usually) effective way of making my period go away, then that’s an awesome thing. I just wish I knew what was screwing with my hormones enough to give me an actual period.